somehow

i sit here, a small room, not much to be found...the bed of an young teenage girl with flowers and lady bug stickers on the wall...i am over thinking what i should write here...have i lost my freedom of thought...it is so difficult to write right now i just want to add commas and periods with all the necessary punctuation parks and quote the famous authors i have been reading over the past year and a half...i am literally scared of making the errors that can shun my chances of a phd in the future...well this is no academic writing so why is this thought in my head...over the past two weeks a lot has been happening to my mental state...i am seeing things differently...i find myself to be patient...many a times i wished to comment on several items on several pages of peoples facebook but i refrained myself...i erased every little word i typed and smiled i dont know what i did that but i felt it did not matter and i dont need to teach the world about right and wrong...time does the trick very well...somehow...i have also made peace with myself and realized success is not something i can dictate along but a perfect mix of luck and timing...perhaps i agree with the author of outliers a book i picked up at an airport once...i am currently working on my master thesis looking for jobs planning of settling down with my beautiful girlfriend and starting a future...but there are so many things that scare me...yes i am scared and for once i am brave enough to probably admit it...what am i to do next...i do not know and it kills me...i do not know where i will be in september of this year i do not know how i will afford to feed myself i do not know what life will be life a year from now...but then again do any of us...i feel better...somehow...