Complexity

The solution to a good depression for me is probably cleaning my moms kitchen...the oil, spices and the magical ingredients required to make curries do have its long term greasy effects on the stoves, and oven and the kitchen in general...a good scrubbing, wiping, moping and polishing everything to make them shine does help one deviate from current stress related thoughts to a stressful cleaning...scrub your stress away...it is the same old monotonous dialogue of mine...I dont know what I am suppose to do with my life...I think I have some options but they keep shutting themselves on my face and then I have to barely make it again and get on another path and start from scratch and after a few seasons scratch that and start again...Its not really helping me get anywhere...and everyone keeps telling me I am suppose to be somewhere in life...it has become very difficult for me to focus on anything and really put set my mind to it...options sometime confuse people rather than giving them choices for a better deal...I wish I had an algorithm to calculate opportunity cost...and a magic dice that I would roll to decide what I should do next...there are so many things I dont understand...there are so many things I feel are unfair and so many things I would like to complain about...but unless I find solutions for them myself no one seems to care...I am not really enjoying life being so mysterious with me but again living is a complexity in itself...

Paradigm Shift

The Old building at Penn State

About ten years back I used to be good at mathematics and also spellings, if you asked me how to spell a complex word I would probably surprise you and spell it correctly in my very Indian accent and also solve complicated differential equations so quickly that you would think I was destined to be a Nuero physicist...honestly at this point of time I am not aware if that is a logical word or if people are really called that...but none the less it sounds very intellectual to me...enough of the thesis...I have failed myself...the paradigm has shifted...I am horrible at spellings and I cannot solve simple arithmetic problems in which you basically have to reconstruct a few sentences to reach a simple logical answer...Although I am able to understand english a bit better...it makes sense...I actually understand what I read and can decipher the inner meaning and formulate logical combinations of thoughts and assumptions the author probably made while writing that passage or book or essay...tough ten years back I didnot really understand anything I read...I passed my classes because I remembered everything and practically threw up whatever I remembered on the examination papers...recently I was able to visit a friend of mine, a brilliant chap who is doing his PhD in physics...yes he plays with radioactive material and sits nets to women that dont seem attractive tough they might be of age...must be the strong electromagnetic fields they create from their brainwaves through immense research that keeps repelling young men from them...while visiting my friend at penn state, I was strongly inspired to seek education again, I felt that even if life decided to fail me, education would never leave my back...and that is when I realized, I cannot do math...well solution, grade eight math book...I have about a week to complete the book and then grade 9 and 10 to follow the following weeks...hopefully that will help me jump start my memory and wake up my decaying brain cells where I stored my math logic...kind of like the rusty bike you throw away somewhere in your garage and take out a few years later...statistical analysis of data...

Redneck Riviera

Recently i had the pleasure to visit one of my favorite people...maresa...a girl I met by chance during my first days at college who i wish to keep as one of my best friends for life... her family moved from the burning dusty heat of Arizona to the bayous, tornadoes and rednecks...I loved every moment i was able to spend at their place and learn about so many new things...see beautiful towns and places all of which looked like an artist painted them in pastel, the sand dunes the sunset, the algae filled emerald bay...it was beautiful...her mom n dad was very kind and wonderful to take me around and show me all these nice things and places...and i loved the conversations and fun times I had...we saw a lot of people from down south...they all looked the same to me...like one of those times when you get off the plane in Japan and everyone looks like mr miyagi san...or the girls look like characters out of your favorite anime...life was very different there than how it is in new york...buildings were small...people drove a lot more tough traffic seemed to be a lot less...and funny part for me...most of them spoke english, unlike here at new york where i am losing my qualifications as a bachelors degree holder from a school where the language of communication was english...maybe i will have to take the toefl examination again before i am allowed to apply to another american school...fort walton was beautiful...a lot of army folks, a lot of rich folks a lot of folks that just say folks...alligator sausage bites...fancy little artist stores, home made salsa, bike rides, deadly rooted plants, water, sand, beach, photos, laughs ,long drives over the bridge, getting shades of brown on my brown skin...yes it was all these and more at the redneck riviera with one of my sweetest friend, who i wish good luck to for her future endeavors, trials and triumphs in life...

i quit...

those who know me well are aware of the meaning of the title " i quit "...over the past year that i did not post to my blog, i have spent time learning about people, cultures, money and philosophy...i have yet to become master at any of these subjects but none the less the experience is/was amazing...recently i have quit several things...starting with the very famous “facebook”...i felt the social network was making me anti social...i rarely spoke to new people and only bothered to check on the pictures of my friends who i never really spoke to perhaps for years...so just in case another facebook sort of item showed up i would not have any new friends to add to that but perhaps migrate my old friends from facebook many of who i wasn’t very friendly with...i have also quit alcohol after realizing i had enough sins under my belt to buy me a mansion in hell i quit...a bit too late perhaps but better now than never...i have also quit talking to some people that were at one point very special to me...cuz it was just too difficult for me to be free with such commitments and progress in life...i have also quit my well paying job...for reasons more than one i would not go into why i quit that...but i have...i got rid of much of my clothes and shoes and donated them to salvation army...i have quit going to bed late and started to wake up early...if there is one thing i learnt from the chinese culture it is wake up early n work hard and someday you will shine there is no failure to working hard from sunrise to sunset...

much of the above items that have been eliminated from my life are because of some of the decisions i made for myself....i am hoping to see if i can get a work visa n stay in usa n work for some years n hopefully create a business of my own after that...if that doesnt work out i will be going back to seek education...my original intension was to only apply to canada...but i felt that i should also apply to europe and also schools in usa and australia...i dont know what god has in store for me but i must try my luck...i have been very lucky so far...and im positive my luck hasnt run out yet...