somehow

i sit here, a small room, not much to be found...the bed of an young teenage girl with flowers and lady bug stickers on the wall...i am over thinking what i should write here...have i lost my freedom of thought...it is so difficult to write right now i just want to add commas and periods with all the necessary punctuation parks and quote the famous authors i have been reading over the past year and a half...i am literally scared of making the errors that can shun my chances of a phd in the future...well this is no academic writing so why is this thought in my head...over the past two weeks a lot has been happening to my mental state...i am seeing things differently...i find myself to be patient...many a times i wished to comment on several items on several pages of peoples facebook but i refrained myself...i erased every little word i typed and smiled i dont know what i did that but i felt it did not matter and i dont need to teach the world about right and wrong...time does the trick very well...somehow...i have also made peace with myself and realized success is not something i can dictate along but a perfect mix of luck and timing...perhaps i agree with the author of outliers a book i picked up at an airport once...i am currently working on my master thesis looking for jobs planning of settling down with my beautiful girlfriend and starting a future...but there are so many things that scare me...yes i am scared and for once i am brave enough to probably admit it...what am i to do next...i do not know and it kills me...i do not know where i will be in september of this year i do not know how i will afford to feed myself i do not know what life will be life a year from now...but then again do any of us...i feel better...somehow...   

~~Thoughts~~

Rain a foe of fun
Reaching, preaching and drenching a ton
Sun, alas a miss of joy
Why is the change in climate in May.

Noises fill the gamely mind
Thoughts trespass like whirlwind,
They seek judgement and cry
I know not why, why, why.

 ~~Thoughts~~

earth is dimming so is my brain...

its been a while that i had a chance to be here...its completely my fault as i did not make enough effort to come here or rather lost my passion to come here...got busy with life perhaps or lazy...whatever the reason be let me spare myself from it...i have started to post pictures on a tumblr page of happenings from my life...some day it will remind me of the days i spent and how beautiful earth was...i say was because we already lost a lot of it because of the most wonderful creation of god...man...wohoo ! say...we will certainly kill us all someday...not nice to know but its the only time when i really can predict the future...i somehow was blessed to get a scholarship and come to europe to pursue higher studies...i am learning a great deal not only about life but also about people culture and food...amazing! oh i also have a cute girlfriend...she is sitting next to me right now and reading a book on environmental economics..such a smarty...we both have a cold as well...anyways where was i...ahhh speaking about life...i have had the opportunity to eat at several restaurants all over the world not lying...just got the chance to eat at lots of different restaurants...by the side of the road in india with dust flying from truck wheels and settling on my food, at fancy restaurants where i was worried i may have to skip many dinners at home as i would be broke from my fetish of having a grand meal...bon apetit i say !!! speaking of food...i decided someday i will be a restaurateur but for now i would like to be an honest food critic so from time to time i will be blabbering my thoughts that my taste buds will be providing me with...stay hungry everyone...

Sex on the beach vs oozing chocolate souffle

In a perfect world, I would not wake up in the morning, even for morning sex with a very beautiful woman. But it’s not a perfect world and I am not always able to manipulate my supervisor at work to give me perfect evening shifts. I am tired, my eyes hurt its only 9:00pm my brainwaves are slowly emitting the subsonic waves that the brain cell receptors are not able to decode, forget decode they are not even receiving the signals. I want to talk of food.

During the first four hours at work this morning, which was slow and dragging, I thoroughly enjoyed reading the Harvard business review.  Several articles were able to keep me focused and interested and made me aware of several ideals. I dont know where i got this in my head from but I wanted to relate for and sex together and create sexy food. We have thai, we had asian, we had organic, well lets not forget the ever yellow curry. But sexy food is not something we see very much of.  Given there is the chocolate covered strawberries on valentine’s day, some caviar, cheese and wine and grapes now and then but, I am talking main stream sexy. The names of dishes are sexy, the food itself is delicious and sexy, the plate its set on is sexy and the way its set on the plate is a salsa of oozing white chocolate out a soufflé; salsa here is not spicy but a sexy dance of white chocolate with the components of the souffle.

             I am not a food genius, but I think the idea is amazing, I am sure several people have already conjured up restaurants as I speak and have some of the sexiest dishes going on there...but I feel the trend for sexy food is just about to hit the highway. Gen X is retiring slowly with a vast amount of wealth which they want to enjoy, hey sexy food sound good to you...and the current generation is trying to be successful at a young age, leading to very little time to really find the balance of passion and recreation and their ever demanding careers. Why not take the girlfriend out to a sexy dinner, may be it will lead to something fun later in the evening.  Most girls try the drink ‘sex on the beach” for the first time just because the name of the drink excites their minds and bodies in a particular way ( I did not make that up ) just ask a girl to think about sex on the beach.  Let’s get back from fantasizing and here to slice and dice the idea of sexy food.  Disney creates magic through its parks and services, but have we ever heard of Disney having amazing food.  Except for the few top class restaurants which are not even part of Disney but owned and operated by a third party, I feel Disney only has Turkey legs as its signature item. Lets make magic with food, lets create passion from it, let it make us alive. Dinner does not always have to micro-waved neither does it have to be a fat piece of meat with sauce on it. Tough it might provoke images in some of our minds, I don’t think its sexy. I love colors in food, meat can only deliver so many colors, burnt - black, well done- brown, chicken - white, raw meats - red, raw poultry - yellow. Did I miss any races, sorry I meant colors. Leaves and vegetables should constitute an important part of every meal, Sea food, flowers, fruits are an amazing way to add excitement, zing and the seductiveness exotic items can deliver.

Too tired, continue soon, I will try conjure up some pictures of sexy food and give them some sexier names and come back and post, till then crave it like you want it bad.                                          

Floating Point

is this photoshopped or is it real?

Books, internet, people and all other forms of media have polluted our minds with an information overdose...although we are able to receive a lot of good information from these forms, it is still very difficult for us to sort these massive quantities of information through are virus infected minds...from the time we walk into schools or even when we are young children learning very basic shapes and colors our minds are being incessantly being infected with viruses...our parents are to blame for much of it and then we can pass on the rest of the blame to ourselves...learning to distinguish between what is good and what is bad and what exists and what practically is illusion has become very difficult for us today...one of the easiest example is that of money...in reality money is just printed paper but again in reality money is everything you may just need to survive and demand respect from this blind society...when a country needs more money they can just print some but that will not make any country that much richer...the illusion or perception of what its value is what makes money valuable...there are so many things that do not exist and is just a figment of our imagination that has turned itself to reality...more like the monster from under the bed that we always thought would come out has turned real and is out there to get us...how is a product better than the other, how is a person better than another one, how is a country better than another...a deadly virus or a massive swarm of viruses have infected us to think and see and understand things that way...do we really think with our minds or do we think with the advertisements and what people say are good...I am hoping to goto a school in the future and do my masters, but which school is good, well the one that has massive amount of publicity already with a large alumni and credibility...but is it going to change me as a man or is it only going to lead me to better opportunities or is it just an illusion of opportunities we call luck...only difference would be the amount of load put on us in a course and the different items we might learn and the pressure we are put through...but again is that really something another school cannot do or reproduce, or are the professors in these schools the only ones that can do that as they were handpicked by the lord...how do we decide with such a polluted mind, how do we find out what is worth our efforts with these viruses blocking our natural pathways to a positive conclusion...am i just a floating point without a destination...how am I to answer that when I do not know how to distinguish what is real and what is reality.

Irreversible Logic

Much of what we learn and take pride in while boasting it out to others is just simple reading from recent years...our brains do not seem to pull out and process old stored information unless we really scratch once or twice and tickle the brain to remember what we probably read in the past...the more we read the more we are able to understand the logic behind several things...a good book on psychology will help anyone understand some of the ways we behave and the rationale behind it..a good read on self motivation will most likely motivate us and give us that extra boost we sometimes need to move forward...reading a variety of material can help us understand how several things that happen around us is only information that we can process and sort out the root cause or usually compute a perfect outcome...it seems like we are able to predict the future or just say what is going to happen next or why some particular incident happened and redraw the scene...logic is irreversible(personal opinion)...it is usually easy for me to stay calm in a situation is because I can simply create a neural map of what has happened what is happening and what the possible outcomes can be...it is also important to take into consideration the several reasons that led to what has happened...usually there would be several small incidents that would lead to one massive event, much like the way plane crashes happen where several small hiccups in the system, communication and the physical assembly seem to cooperate together and lead to calamity of sorts...this post is for me and has a message hidden away in it for me for future reference...to most it will probably not make much sense...but there were several small reasons that led me to write this...

Complexity

The solution to a good depression for me is probably cleaning my moms kitchen...the oil, spices and the magical ingredients required to make curries do have its long term greasy effects on the stoves, and oven and the kitchen in general...a good scrubbing, wiping, moping and polishing everything to make them shine does help one deviate from current stress related thoughts to a stressful cleaning...scrub your stress away...it is the same old monotonous dialogue of mine...I dont know what I am suppose to do with my life...I think I have some options but they keep shutting themselves on my face and then I have to barely make it again and get on another path and start from scratch and after a few seasons scratch that and start again...Its not really helping me get anywhere...and everyone keeps telling me I am suppose to be somewhere in life...it has become very difficult for me to focus on anything and really put set my mind to it...options sometime confuse people rather than giving them choices for a better deal...I wish I had an algorithm to calculate opportunity cost...and a magic dice that I would roll to decide what I should do next...there are so many things I dont understand...there are so many things I feel are unfair and so many things I would like to complain about...but unless I find solutions for them myself no one seems to care...I am not really enjoying life being so mysterious with me but again living is a complexity in itself...